Stop

Every so often, I catch myself actually living my life. Among the daily commute, the hours in front of the computer, heating up my dinner, driving home in the darkness, going to bed, there are moments every so often where I realize there's more than just that. They don't happen every day. They're not even inspired by much. A scene from a movie I've experienced before; a passage from a book I could have written; a conversation between strangers that materializes in tangible form; a touch that sends me back to a former self. They're often fleeting but they hit me hard, as though they're afraid I'll miss them if they don't. There are so many things that clog up our day they barely have room to move, room to breathe. We wander thoughtlessly through this forest of trees and rocks that we have to get over, get past, get through, that we don't notice the rest of nature just shining down on us. We instinctively head for the shade where it's cool, where it's safe.
But there are those times where, even standing in the shade, we catch a glimpse of a mountain lion running in the distance. Out of the corner of our eye a multi-colored bird soars over our head. We watch the setting sun as it paints the sky different hues of red. And we realize, in that moment, that we are here.
But the sky becomes dark, and if we don't pay attention, the moon and stars only light our way home to end the day in preparation for the next one. Another commute, another dinner, another work day. And the cycle repeats as others join us in the forest, sometimes helping to brush away the branches and point out obstacles. We walk along with them and converse with them and identify with them, and they in turn add to our existence. But only a precious few enrich that existence and we have to constantly be aware of their presence. Because they, just like the sun, are sometimes shining, sometimes setting, sometimes pushing you toward the shade. And if you're not careful, you may just miss the picture they paint for you at the end of each day.
And isn't that what it's all about? We're given eyes and ears and arms and legs and what do we do with them? We use them to read reports, listen in meetings, type up letters, and walk down to the cafeteria. Only once in a while do we stop to watch the clouds drift by, listen to the birds sing, throw our hands up to catch the rain, and run like children to feel the breeze.
It may seem at times like your life is not your own. Everyone has responsibilities such as school or work that are necessary just to get by on a daily basis. But there are times when you can just stop, and no matter where you are or what you're doing, you realize that you are actually living your life. And that is always a good thing.

Going Back to Cali

Ok, so I've already traveled to California and come back. I guess using that song title would've been appropriate if I was blogging about the trip three weeks ago. However, three weeks ago I wouldn't have had any good stories to write about since the trip was just starting then. So in retrospect, this will be a much more interesting blog. :)
As most of my friends and family know, C is in Pasadena this summer for an internship at the Jet Propulsion Lab (JPL). Our friend, D (not to be confused with me, D) was able to get him a 6-week internship last summer, and they invited him back this year. However, they wanted him for the entire summer, so to compromise I spent my two weeks of vacation out there with him in the middle of his stay.
I left Logan Airport on the afternoon of June 27th, sitting next to a physics teacher (go figure!) who had been in MA for some underwater machine competition. My friends who live upstairs gave me "The Big Book of Barry Ween" to read, which is a collection of comic books on this one character. They warned me I would laugh out loud and I told them I hardly ever do that while reading. But of course, the book was so funny I did laugh, loudly, like a retarded hyena, causing the physics teacher to continuously glance over at me with concern. Thankfully he managed to fall asleep in the middle of it (or at least, he pretended to so he could avoid having to converse with me). Either way the flight to Phoenix, where I had my layover, was very pleasant.
Now, the one-hour flight to Burbank was supposed to be my time to finish the 55 chapter outline I was working on for my book. However, I sat next to an elderly gentlemen who kept asking me questions about the college I went to (I was wearing an alumni shirt, so I suppose I brought it upon myself), so that idea was out the window. Well, not literally, since that would've caused the cabin to lose air pressure and we probably would've all died. Unless we had a water landing, and then we would've had our seat cushions for flotation devices. But I digress. :)
I got into Pasadena around 9:30 pm and C and his great aunt, G, picked me up. He's staying at his aunt's house to save on renting a place, so I too got to save money not only by staying at her place, but also being able to use her car. She's 90 years old, and even though she's had the car for 4 years it only has 21,000 miles on it. It literally is one of those cars that only gets driven to the market, although she does still go the gym and yoga classes. California- it does a body good!
Anyway, that Sunday C and I drove to Santa Barbara to visit his cousin, B, his wife, M, and their son, A. When I first met C's family four years ago, B and M were building their house. This year I got to see the finished product, which was awesome. They were going to a BBQ at a friend's house so we got a free meal, and later that night we went walking with B and their dog. Then we went walking in downtown Santa Barbara and had delicious frozen yogurt. And it doesn't matter that I put chocolate and candy on top of it- it was healthy, damn it! :)
The next day we drove back to Pasadena so C could go into work for at least a half day. We lucked out because C's schedule is 5-day and then 4-day weeks, and the end of that week was the 4th of July (our 5-year anniversary). So C only had a 3-day week, having both Thursday and Friday off for the holiday.
That meant on Thursday we could drive to Malibu, since I wanted to make it to the beach at least once while I was there (not too many beaches in central MA, ya know what I'm sayin?). After spending way too long on the glorified parking lot known as the freeway, we decided to take some side streets to wind our way through the mountains instead. It was so beautiful. Every road there had the designation CNYN, because every road there led to a house built into the canyons. We would see the iron gate at the front of the property, and then way in the distance the mansion would appear out of nowhere (literally- it would just be sitting on a ledge!). I can't imagine how much these people pay for insurance. I mean, they do know they're in CA right??
Anyway, we decided to stop at Paradise Cove, which was a good-sized public beach with all the necessary facilities, including the Paradise Cove Restaurant. We walked down the beach and found a nice shady spot in front of some small "cliffs" (which was good since we didn't have an umbrella. Again, not avid beach-goers!). We hung out in the ocean for a bit and after I got slammed into the sand by a couple waves (oh yeah, I have very low beach skills) I decided to just hang out on my towel and enjoy the gorgeous day. That was one of my favorite things about the trip as a whole- consistently great weather! We New Englanders just don't get that- EVER!
After the beach romp we ate at the Cove Restaurant, having delicious Big Kahuna nachos, and then we drove back that night. On Friday we drove to our hotel, which was only 5 minutes from his aunt's house, but it was also in the middle of Old Pasadena which made it a great location. We walked around window shopping and stopped into a couple chocolate shops, since there's no way to pass by those! For our anniversary we ate at a fairly authentic Italian restaurant, where I had a delicious gourmet pizza (come on, are any of you shocked?). We also went to see the movie Public Enemy which we both enjoyed.
Luckily the part of Pasadena we were in was near the Rose Bowl, where they have a big fireworks display, so we were able to simply walk out onto the top of the parking garage and watch the fireworks from our hotel. C and I are big fans of having to do the least amount of work for these events. :)
Unfortunately on Sunday we had to get back to reality, but fortunately for me that meant another week of vacation! That week I spent my days writing my book, which by the end of the trip turned into seven chapters total. At night we would go out to eat, trying out Thai places, a quality Chinese restaurant, Round Table Pizza, and of course, Carl's Jr. C forbade me to get fast food from any other place! One night we ate at a Vietnamese place but they had too many green, leafy products for me to enjoy the food. So thankfully there was a Carl's Jr. down the street. :)
On Thursday D was able to get me a security pass to hang out on the JPL campus for 2 hours and give me a personal tour (because, seriously, what does he do all day? He says it's "classified" but I think that's just an excuse to lock himself in a big vault and take a nap). :) C's aunt's son, S, told me I should've tried to get a full security pass so I could go into restricted areas and come back with major government secrets. He even suggested I go see this guy who makes fake IDs, watermarked and laminated, out of the back of his van. I didn't ask how he had knowledge of this, um, businessman. :) Anyway, it didn't matter because D told us they don't have those kind of badges (badges? We don't need no stinkin badges!). And they don't, because if your name isn't on the list, then you simply don't get to go in that area. Yup, they've got bouncers! :) I also asked D if I needed to be careful what I said, in case they had microphones everywhere. "Oh yeah," he said. Then a couple seconds later, "Of course not!" Hey, you never know who's listening these days!
So after getting my special visitors pass I got to see the computer lab where C works, D's place in the cube farm, and the vault door that leads to the "bat cave" (that's the nickname for the place where D does his "secret" work- I wasn't kidding about the vault door!). Afterward, we went to the JPL gift shop where they had lots of random space themed items and T shirts that said things like, "Actually, it IS rocket science." I got shirts for my nieces that have a child's drawing of a rocket ship and a JPL shot glass for my sister, since I'm pretty sure she doesn't have one from there!
After that, we got to go to one of their observation decks where we saw a handful of scientists trying to figure out how to get one of their rovers out of the mud. They have a replica of the rover stuck in a substance similar to that on Mars, and are trying computer simulations to figure out how to get it unstuck. It was pretty neat. We also went to the mini museum they have which shows the progression of JPL and how it's expanded to 130 buildings. But one of the best stories I heard, which you only get from a personal tour guide, was about one of their administrative buildings. Apparently it's right on the fault line, and if the big one ever does hit, the emergency stairways on both sides of the building would just fall off. So because of that fact, they have ropes on the side of the building to allow the workers to rappel off the sides to the ground! Creating new technology? Thousands of dollars. Creating equipment that functions in space? Millions of dollars. Creating a structure with useless emergency staircases that would cause people in business suits to have to bungee down the side of a building? Priceless. :)
On Friday night C and I went out to dinner with D and his wife, M, at a traditional Japanese restaurant that greets each group with a loud yell and drum roll. The employees at Moe's have nothing on these guys! Anyway, I actually tried a couple different pieces of sushi (I didn't like any of them but hey, I tried damn it!) and ended up getting fried chicken. I know, I was probably the only person in the place eating KFC food! I was also the only barbarian eating with a fork. Seriously. Even the 10-year-old girl sitting at the table next to us was using chopsticks with the rubber band at the top.
Anyway, that night we met up with C's dad, B, his wife, L, and C's grandmother (another B). We actually had dinner with his grandmother Thursday night at this great Thai place, so on Friday we went there again to meet B and L. We hung out for a while and discussed plans for Saturday, my last full day in CA. Afterward we drove to a grocery store so L could pick up band-aids. So C, B, and I waited for her in the parking lot, waiting and waiting and waiting. After getting pretty bored, we started guessing why it was taking her so long. C joked that she had been taken by pirates. And without missing a beat, B said, "Murdered by pirates is good." Now, I know all you Princess Bride fans out there are grinning over that one! I mean, come on, how often does that particular line come up in conversation? It was awesome.
So for Saturday we decided to go to the Huntington gardens after having breakfast at this place called Russell's, where we ate about 20 times (ok, maybe it was more like 5 times). Phenomenal cinnamon rolls. Anyway, it ended up just being me, C, and his grandmother for the gardens, and we spent 3 1/2 hours wandering around the 120 acre property. We went to the Chinese and Japanese gardens, the Australian outback, the Shakespeare garden which led to the rose garden, and a miniature Biodome that had a rain forest climate, cloud forest, and bog. We also wandered around one of several museums on the property.
Unfortunately I had no idea how big the place was, or that we'd be wandering around in the sun for that long, so I went there wearing a black shirt and no sunblock. Thankfully, the sunburn gods took pity on me and only gave me a red face from walking around so much. They did, however, think it was funny to make the back of my neck all red except where my low ponytail hung, leaving a white stripe down the middle. I looked like a redneck skunk. Later that night we had dinner at the same Thai place for a third time (hey, third time's a charm right?).
The very last thing I wanted to do on my trip was take a picture of this particular bridge that C and I kept driving by or over, officially called the Colorado Street Bridge. But the locals know it as Suicide Bridge. Apparently, more than 100 people have fallen to their deaths from this bridge over the years. It connects two hillsides, with only concrete underneath it. Of course, now there's a huge barrier that goes all the way along the bridge to try and prevent such suicides. But what makes it even creepier is this building behind it in the distance, that used to be an insane asylum (very Gotham-like). Unfortunately, the batteries in my camera died when I tried to take a picture of it during the day. I didn't really think about that fact until now- my batteries in essence committed suicide! Ok I know, bad joke. :) Anyway, we went back that night to try and get a picture but it didn't come out very well, so I've attached a picture from the Internet.
http://en.structurae.de/photos/index.cfm?JS=34019
My trip back to MA was fairly uneventful on Sunday, July 12th, although the captain on our first flight apparently had no idea where we were going. As we were getting ready to depart he came over the intercom and said, "Hello ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Flight # going to Long Beach." There was a collective "Huh?" within the cabin, and the flight attendant quickly popped her head around the corner and said, "Don't worry, he means Phoenix." Then the captain came back on and said, "I'm sorry, we're going to Phoenix aren't we?" That made us feel much better. And a half hour delay from Phoenix to Boston was made up in the air, causing us to get into Logan only 8 minutes later than expected. I took a shuttle from Logan back to the apartment, getting home at 2 am to a very excited kitty who wouldn't stop following me around the apartment until I finally collapsed into bed.
So now I'm back to working in the land of 70s and thunderstorms, trying to readjust to working and 70s weather. Being in CA, writing my book while C went off to work, was a glimpse of a completely different lifestyle that I really enjoyed. So who knows? Maybe some day it won't be just a glimpse any more.