Donna and Grant's Colossal Adventure

Wishful thinking departure time: 10 a.m.
Actual departure time: We left the hotel at 9:55 a.m. but went to a market down the street for food supplies. We got on the road at 10:30 a.m. Grant also bought hard candies from a local candy store which were wonderful on the road!

It was a beautiful day for the start of our trip, warm but with some cloud coverage. Grant noticed many areas in Pennsylvania were deemed "fog areas," although we saw none of that. We did see plenty of great signs on today's trek, including one for Jib Jab Hot Dog Shoppe near the hotel, Meander Reservoir, Hotel California, Innovation Way, Aegean Apparel, the Great Miami River, Poet Biorefining, Mario Brothers Mexican Restaurant, Butts-Pell Real Estate Auctions, Kaskaskia River and Kaskaskia College, and Paul Simon Highway right before the exit for St. Louis. That sign had a glittery bow tie on it (because bow ties are cool).

We were also reminded quite a lot throughout Ohio about not driving while under the influence of drugs and reporting those who are drug traffickers. I didn't realize Ohio was such a hot bed for these kinds of illegal activities- apparently it's the Mexico of the Midwest. We also came across several signs (and eventually the business) of Tom Raper- Raper's RVs, Raper's Rent to Own, and Tom Raper Way. It was kind of disturbing how often we saw this Raper's name all over the highway in OH!

And there were plenty more unique signs that caught our attention as we went along. A Stradlin Bros. Welding sign read "Trust Jesus" in the corners, which Grant thought was not a good selling point for a welder. Shouldn't you want to trust the welders you're paying for the job? But another billboard told us "Jesus is real" and a radio ad suggested, "Don't worry, just pray." Then we passed a church named Salem, which also seemed wrong! We also saw signs for Indianapolis Park where they claim to have "the loosest slots!" I'm not sure I should repeat some of our comments for that one. We also noticed a sign on I-70 W in Illinois that read, "Hit a worker, $10,000 fine and 14 years in jail." We both guessed that this had actually happened, since they don't normally advertise something like that on the highway.

We also saw a lot of signs for places we had no idea were in the Midwest, including Wooster (which also had a college), Dublin, London, Urbana, Xenia, Brazil, Manhattan, Paris and Pocahontas. And for all you sports fans, we passed the Indiana Football Hall of Fame in Richmond, IN and the Basketball Hall of Fame.

The one thing that amazed me was that the signal for the GPS appeared to be stronger in OH, where most of the scenery looked like this

But in CT, that had businesses and buildings everywhere, the signal dropped out CONSTANTLY! However, CT definitely had more rest stops than OH. It seemed like in OH they had bundles of bungalows (bungalow bundurus as we called them) or a group of businesses and rest stops, in-between miles and miles of absolutely nothing! They need better planning for those of us who, uh, like to stop and "rest" several times in one trip. And then when leaving OH there was a sign that read, "Ohio- So much to discover!" Um, sure. But the speed limit was 70 mph, so that was a redeeming quality!

Thankfully we got deli meat and made sandwiches at the first Pilot stop we found, which was next to a Harley Davidson outlet (one of the fanciest buildings on the block, of course). We also scanned through the local radio stations, and it took five different channels before finding one that played music instead of talking about God. We also found the station with Rush Limbaugh's show, where we listened to him rant about how the liberal media was forcing their agenda and flexing their power to change the name of the Redskins team. According to him, no one was offended by that name until the liberal media started talking about it. When we couldn't take it any more, we changed it to the next station which was playing "Stop Children What's That Sound," a nice contrast to Rushbo's political views. We also found a station that had Mike Huckabee talking about the impeachment issue, where he said they shouldn't do that because "it might give the president hope that he could get out of his presidency early."

But once we got past the political stuff, it was our turn to entertain. We finally reached the road trip stereotype of singing along with the radio, starting with George Michael's "Faith" and continuing with other greats like "We are the Champions" and "I Can't Get No Satisfaction." Later on I broke out the iPod and played DJ for the last couple hours of the trip. We also brought out a couple books, and Grant read a story called "BunRabs" from the book "Zombie Raccoons & Killer Bunnies," and then passages from Stephen Colbert's "I Am America (and So Can You)."

We reached our midway point, Richmond, IN, at 3:45 p.m. and had lunch at La Chiquita Market and Restaurant. It was a hole in the wall, and with most of those places the food was amazing. I had a chicken quesadilla with green salsa and Grant had a beef tongue burrito. We thought it was pretty funny that we went to Indiana to have awesome Mexican food. :) They also had a huge spice aisle where I got Cai some ancho chile powder.

We decided there wasn't much else to do in Richmond so we took off for St. Louis. On the way we passed by the usual corn fields, but also a number of soybean fields. I had no idea that was such a popular crop there. And when we got into Illinois, there was a corn field with several signs that read all together said, "You are close to the world's largest wind chime and golf tee." Grant and I just looked at each other and said, "Oh yeah, we gotta check that out!" I had told my friend, Kim, we probably wouldn't be seeing any of those kinds of attractions, but how can you pass up something like that?? So we got off at the exit for Casey, Ill. and followed the signs to the chime. It stands 55'3" tall, and the longest of the five chimes is 42'. You could even ring the chimes, which sounded like church bells.

Then we noticed a sign across the street that read "World's Largest Rocking Chair," with two large pieces of wood already in place for the base. I figure in my sci-fi novel (which takes place 50 years in the future) I can have my main character take this same detour and have the rocking chair built when she visits. Then it was onto the tee at the Casey Country Club. The tee is more than 30 feet long, 6.26 feet wide at the head and 2.1 feet wide at the bottom. The yellow pine is held together by 60 gallons of glue and 120 pounds worth of screws. The total weight is 6,659 pounds. I thought it was funny that they also had a wooden viewing stage for it! According to their web site, they're also planning on putting a giant golf ball on top of it.

And once there, I discovered a sign for this place called The Yarn Studio, and they have the World's Largest Knitting Needles and Crochet Hook. We were like, "Wow. Who knew Casey, IL was such a happening place?" And, of course, we had to go check that out! Thankfully it was just down the road, and although the place was closed, I still got to see them. All in all, it was a fun detour!

Afterward we stopped at a Circle K, which was a first for me. And strange things were afoot at the Circle K, for Grant found this in the men's bathroom.

Um, WHAT?? That is definitely WAY weirder than the glow sticks!

Thanks to the central time zone, we reached St. Louis around the time I wanted to, 10 p.m. Driving into the city and seeing the arch was something else, and we also saw a horse carriage and the buses that were painted to look like trolleys. Our hotel, the Hilton, is gorgeous. They have these old vault doors from when the place was a bank way back in the 1800s, and the room is huge. Unfortunately there was a weird poop smell in our hallway, but we think it was from this room service tray near our door (once it was taken away the smell dissipated for the most part). No idea what the heck those people ate!

We left the hotel around 11:30 p.m. and asked the concierge for a recommendation for a bar or a place open late for food. He directed us to Calico's, which was only two blocks from our hotel. We walked there, and it was a fairly big place that was open until 3 a.m. We had nachos, where they covered each individual chip with the cheese, meat and jalapeno (the best way I've ever had nachos!), and a pizza done up "St. Louis style." It was a thin pizza with mozzarella and provolone, which was delicious with the red and green peppers we put on it. It was the perfect place to end our busy day! Tomorrow we will arrive in Goodland, KS for the night, and I'm not sure they have Internet access. So don't be concerned if I don't post for a couple days- we'll simply be in the bowels of the Midwest. :) Until next time, good night!

License plates we saw (much less today- apparently no one from outside the Midwest likes to travel in that part of the country):
12:38- Ontario
2:57- Kentucky
3:03- Utah
3:20- Idaho
5:15- Alabama

Escape from Worcester

Wishful thinking departure time: 10 a.m.
Actual departure time: 1 p.m. (is anyone surprised we were late?)

The day started out with such hope. We woke up bright and early, with every intention of being on the road by 10. But a gas fill-up, air tire pressure check, water and ice purchase, buying pj pants, and two bank stops kinda put a damper on that idea! That was a good thing though, because Cai called to tell me I had left my laptop behind. So it was fate that we hadn't left Worcester yet (or so we're telling ourselves).

But once we hit the Pike there was no turning back. We took the exit for 84 W and the GPS informed us we'd be on 84 for 331 miles. At that point I thought, do we even need this thing?? It was good that we didn't though, because several times throughout the trip the nice lady voice would inform us that the GPS signal was lost. It looked like we weren't moving at all on the map! Then somewhere in PA Grant saw a hawk swoop down and pick up a mouse on the side of the road. He said he had a belief that seeing lots of animals on a trip is a good omen. I said, "Not for the mouse." But then we saw two more hawks flying near our first rest stop, and that was pretty cool. (It's hard to see them in the photo but I swear they're there!)

The first rest stop was at a place literally just called "Liberty" somewhere in PA, with another sign that read "Tobacco Junction." We saw several smoke shops throughout the state, in fact. At Liberty they also had "superbangers" (fireworks) and Tijuana Mama sausages. Once we left there it was straight onto Scranton, our first halfway stop for the day. We passed a sign for Dunmore Throop, which to me sounded like a character from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. But I looked it up to confirm that there is, indeed, a place called Throop in PA.

Once we reached Scranton at 5:30 p.m., we came to an intersection with two signs that said "Red Detour" and "Blue Detour." We decided to choose the blue pill, which brought us past such places as Coney Island Texas Lunch (wha??) and the Honky Tonk Restaurant & Saloon. We drove into a parking garage for the Mall in Steamtown, where they had a number of murals on the wall of the local history. It didn't seem like we'd find much in the way of unique places to eat, though, so we wandered around a bit more.

We wanted to eat dinner at a place called "What the Fork," but it was a food truck and we couldn't get to its current location before it moved again. So we chose a more stationary place called Cara Mia's on East Drinker St. They had a number of deli sandwiches with local names, and Grant had a Mountain Dew ham sandwich. I'm not kidding- it was Mountain Dew soaked ham with Swiss cheese, horseradish, lettuce, tomato, and raspberry vinaigrette. He said it was good and didn't make a face, so I have to believe him. :) He also had a drink we'd never heard of called "Cherikee Red." And they had these chips from a company called Middleswarth, that used cottonseed oil. The chips had more of a french fry taste which kind of threw me off, as I'm more used to the Lay's chips. But they were still good.

We left Scranton at 7:15 p.m., going past a sign that read (in this order) $300 LITTERING FINE. We joked about throwing $300 out the window since that kind of littering was apparently okay. We got behind a tow truck that read "Duchnik's" and had a lot of fun with that name for about 5 minutes. We also passed signs on 81 S for Montage Mountain Road, Mohegan Sun at Pocono Downs, Jersey Shore and The Lube (another name we had fun with for 5 minutes). Later on we saw signs for different colored detours including black, green and orange. Our last rest stop was at Pilot Travel Center, where they had a game room (which Grant called "paltry" by gamer standards), a shower, a printer and fax station, and laundry. We thought that was pretty impressive, but then Grant discovered in the men's room not only a cologne dispenser that offered a spritz for a quarter, but also toothbrushing gum, condoms, lubricant, and glow sticks. Yes that's right- everything you would need for a rave.

After that, we found our hotel (Comfort Inn in Mercer, PA) with no problems and checked in at midnight. When we walked in we noticed the carpet was a bit damp, which was odd! Thankfully we didn't get here until late or else who knows if we even could've walked on it! Our ambition for tomorrow is to do breakfast before they close at 9 a.m. and be on the road by 10. We have a 10-hour day tomorrow so hopefully we do better than today! Until then, good night!

License plates seen along the way:
Saskatchewan (seen before we left Worcester!)
1:22 p.m.- Maine
1:32- Connecticut (at exit 9 on the Pike)
1:33- Virginia
1:38- New Jersey
1:39- Florida
1:40- New York
1:44- Georgia, Indiana, Illinois (all on tractor trailers)
1:49- Michigan
2:17- Oklahoma
2:19- West Virginia
2:20- Missouri
2:21- Iowa
2:36- California
2:40- Tennessee and Pennsylvania
3- Maryland and Prince Edward Island
3:03- Arizona
3:42- Minnesota
8:27- Texas
8:50- Colorado
9:07- Ohio
10:03- Nebraska
10:11- Wisconsin
10:18- North Carolina

Looking Past the Talking Points on Gay Marriage

After reading threads on Facebook and listening to arguments on TV about gay marriage, I've decided it's time to put in my two cents on the issue. And the only reason I'm doing that is because it's getting very tiring watching these kinds of arguments devolve into talking points that have very little to do with the issue at hand. "Republicans don't care about women and civil rights!" "Democrats are the ones waging a war on women by declaring it a war on women!" "Conservatives are trying to take away our liberties!" "Liberals want more government to be involved in your lives!" Honestly, I just can't take it any more.

And I realize now that it's the 24-hour news media that is really fueling this trend. When they run out of news to talk about, they then turn to their commentators to editorialize about these same issues. And it's rarely an intelligent discourse. Often times it's one person or a panel of "experts" who go round and round spouting the talking points of whatever political party the network is affiliated with. That's not a discussion; that's a lecture on one side of the issue. And these lectures are what's helping to further all of the misinformation out there that people who turn to the news (and only that one news channel) are continuously repeating. Gone are the Edward R. Murrows and Tom Brokaws of the world. Now we can choose which kind of news we want to hear by our political preferences, because no one wants to hear something that doesn't gel with all of their beliefs. That would be horrible.

So, because I don't believe that any of that bullshit should be the way society evolves (or devolves as I'm beginning to fear) I'm going to take the most current hot button issue and break it down argument by argument. Because when President Barack Obama said he supported gay marriage, there was such a ridiculous frenzy by the media over the honesty and timing of his statement. And I couldn't care less whether it was a bad move or a good move for the election. What I care about are the arguments for and against this issue. And instead of falling into talking points, I will actually address the other side of the argument. This shouldn't be too difficult, because it really comes down to religious belief versus civil rights.

Argument #1: If we allow gay marriage, then people will be allowed to marry animals and inanimate objects.

Response: Neither animals nor inanimate objects can give their consent or sign a marriage license. There, that was easy.

Argument #2: If we allow gay marriage, then people will want to allow polygamy.

Response: I'm sorry to tell you this, but polygamy is not a new concept. Straight people already tried that years ago. It has nothing to do with sexual orientation.

Argument #3: The Bible says being gay is wrong.

Response: Yes it does, in the Old Testament. But in this country there are two things in existence that make this a moot point. One is the freedom of religion. This says that anyone can practice any religion they want, which means not everyone believes in a collection of stories written thousands of years ago. If a religion such as Catholicism doesn't agree with gay marriage, then they don't allow the ceremonies to be performed in their churches. The second thing is the separation of church and state brought forth by the U.S. Supreme Court. This means that any kind of religion (popular or not) cannot be used to make decisions about civil rights. And the last time I checked, marriage is a civil right, not a religious one. Therefore, it doesn't matter what any religion states- everyone should have the same basic freedoms.

Argument #4: Gay marriage will ruin the "sanctity of marriage".

Response: Newt Gingrich seems to be the most popular example being used to show how ridiculous this statement is. He is Roman Catholic and has been married three times, leaving the first two wives while they were sick. He also committed adultery and suggested having an "open relationship". But he continues to lecture others on "family values", suggesting people only listen to what he has to say, rather than pay attention to how he lives.

Now I'll admit, this thing with Gingrich is a talking point. But I still feel it's a good representation as to why gay marriage is not necessary to ruin the "sanctity of marriage". Straight people have been doing that for years, given that roughly 50% of marriages end in divorce. The only way that would happen with gay marriage is if the government forced the churches to perform ceremonies for gay people. And the government can't do that because of the laws in place that I mentioned in Argument #3. See how that works both ways?

Argument #5: We need to stop comparing gay rights to things like women's suffrage or the Civil Rights movement. Gay marriage is a recent issue and does not have the long struggle yet in comparison to others.

Response: I only just read this in a thread on Facebook the other day, but I thought it was an intriguing one. The person seemed to imply that the fight for gay rights was nothing like women or African American people fighting for equal rights, simply because the struggle hasn't been going on for years. Except, um, it HAS been going on for a REALLY long time. The only reason it seems like gay marriage is a recent issue is because it used to be SO taboo to be gay that no one would even admit it. We FINALLY reached a point in this country, I'd say, in the last 30 years or so, where homosexuality wasn't seen as an abomination. (And even now, there are plenty of people here and in other countries who still believe that). But we've seen more books and TV shows and movies that have gay characters and deal with equal rights for gay people, and I say it's about friggin time. Society is growing up (if not VERY slowly).

Oh, also, one of my friends made a good point that if the Internet had existed during women's suffrage or the civil rights movement then it may not have lasted as long as it did. That's just speculation of course, but it makes sense to me.

Argument #6: The individual states should be allowed to vote on this issue.

Response: There's only one quote needed to answer that statement, and it was said by Rev. Al Sharpton while he was on the show Real Time with Bill Maher. "The role of government is to protect people. And if you had civil rights voted on I'd be sitting in the back of the bus." His point was that if you allow states to vote on something that should be a human right, their prejudices would come into play and you'd have "tyranny by majority". Freedom and equality are the two things our government is required to uphold for all of its citizens.

Argument #7: "How am I supposed to explain the gay lifestyle to my children?"

Response: Well, there are two ways to handle that. There's the comedian Louis C.K. way, where he says that two men who want to get married shouldn't be stopped just because you don't want to talk to your kids for five minutes about the issue. It's your child so it's not up to other people to figure that out for you.

Then there's the president's way, where he says that his two daughters have friends with gay parents and they don't understand why they wouldn't be afforded the same rights as anyone else. He claimed it would be more difficult to explain to them why it was wrong, since children are often told that we're all created equal.

Argument #8: Gay marriage will destroy the family dynamic.

Response: I think the term "family dynamic" has changed quite a bit over the years. It's no longer a husband, wife, and 2.2 kids. There are plenty of unwed parents, single parents, couples without children, and families with adopted children who have redefined that term, making gay parents only one group on a long list. And according to research, gay parents are often more committed to raising a child because they MUST choose to have kids. There are no accidental pregnancies. So while some say gay marriage will destroy the family dynamic, the evidence shows having gay parents doesn't destroy anything. I mean, sure, back in the Bible days the human population was much smaller and it was important for people to be fruitful and multiply. But to imply that now, at 7 billion strong, we still need every man and every woman to pair off in marriage to ensure the survival of the species? I don't think there's any need for concern.

Now I've also heard others use the term "family dynamic" to mean that gay people can't raise children with the "correct morals and values". In this case I assume you're referring back to Argument #3 concerning religion- that because gay people are seen as bad in the Bible then they must not be religious or have the same morality as your religion. Well, I'm here to tell you that a) there are gay people who are religious, and b) you don't need religion to grow up with a moral code. There are plenty of atheists who raise their children to be intelligent and respectful of others and not to sit in judgment, just as there are plenty of religious people who teach their kids to be intolerant of those who believe in something else. 

Now I'm sure there are other arguments out there against gay marriage, but I imagine they fall under the same definition of "talking points used for misdirection because there's really nothing out there that should prevent gay marriage from being legal". And so I leave it here.

It's A Paperback!

So my book is officially available in paperback form. There's a website called CreateSpace, which is an affiliate of Amazon, that will print my book on demand. This allows me to sell paperback copies of my book without needing to spend money to maintain an inventory. People who buy it will have to create an account with CreateSpace first. Here is the website:

https://www.createspace.com/3703945

Why I Enjoyed The Book of Mormon and Am Not Ashamed to Say So

I’ve been a fan of South Park from its very beginning. I remember watching “The Spirit of Christmas” online when I was a sophomore in college, and at one point I knew every line by heart. I still quote it whenever the opportunity arises, usually around the holiday season. My favorite line is when Jesus and Santa Claus are brawling over who represents the true meaning of Christmas, and the children are trying to decide who to root for.

Santa: “Stan, remember the choo choo when you were three?”

Jesus: “I died for your sins, boys. Don’t forget that.”

I was hooked.

So when my boyfriend and I learned that the creators of South Park, Matt Stone and Trey Parker, were producing a Broadway musical, we eagerly awaited the reviews. And, out of the two dozen reviews I read during its opening week, only one newspaper, The Washington Post, gave it a bad one. We bought the tickets immediately.

And man, did we love it! After the show we bought the soundtrack, and have been listening to it ever since. The writing was crisp and funny, the songs upbeat and charming, and the production value lived up to Broadway standards. I was not surprised to see it do well at the Tony awards.

So after mentioning this on my Facebook page, a friend of mine, who is Mormon, wrote to me saying she was very disturbed by my enjoyment of such a musical. She sent me an article (incidentally, the article was from the Washington Post, but there are many others like it) from a woman who was also Mormon. She stated she wasn’t going to see the show, but based her opinion on the reviews she read.

Now, I’m not a big fan of people judging something they haven’t seen, but I can understand not wanting to pay those kinds of ticket prices for a show that satirizes your religion. I pretty much knew I would not be a fan of Jersey Shore without having seen an episode, although I did watch one to validate my reasons why (which are way too many to list here). J

And I can appreciate people’s different tastes in entertainment. I enjoy Dancing With the Stars as my only reality competition show, while my boyfriend hates it. And he watches Ultimate Fighting Championship matches while I couldn’t care less. So if my friend didn’t understand why I enjoy that kind of humor, as many people feel about South Park, I would be okay with that.

But that wasn’t her point. In fact, when The Book of Mormon won nine Tony awards, including one for best musical, she was very upset that such a blasphemous show would be celebrated in this manner. She felt it was suddenly “open season” on Mormons, and that they were being treated unfairly in comparison to other religions.

And that’s where we disagree.

The Book of Mormon is certainly not the first musical about a religion. Jesus Christ Superstar was nominated for five Tony awards in the 1970s and for its revival in 2000, and Christian groups found it offensive when it first opened.

Furthermore, religious satire has been around for a long time in many different forms. There’s literature, such as The Canterbury Tales, movies like The Life of Brian, and shows, such as South Park, that cause a stir whenever the subject of religion is scrutinized or mocked. But I think many of the best religious satirists have been stand-up comedians.

One of my favorite “religion in comedy” bits is from Bill Cosby, in which God is talking to Noah about building the ark. I don’t know of anyone who finds that joke offensive, even though it’s making fun of one of the most popular stories in the Bible. Noah looks pretty foolish, having no idea what an arc is or the measurement needed to build it. Even God has a difficult time trying to remember what a cubit is, and he was the one who invented it! Now that’s funny.

And that was only the beginning for me. Eventually I was introduced to George Carlin’s humor. Everyone knows Carlin was brought up Roman Catholic and, although “he tried to believe in God”, he said it became more difficult as he grew older. And why? Because it’s hard to believe in something you can’t see that only responds to your prayers about half the time. His bit about becoming a sun worshipper is brilliant, along with praying to Joe Pesci since he has about the same response rate as God.

But I think this next bit sums up his real take on religion.

“Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you.”

Now we’re getting into murkier water. Carlin was definitely considered edgy for most of his comedic life, with the use of foul language and his bluntness when it came to discussing topics such as religion. But both Cosby and Carlin won the Mark Twain humor award, and both are considered great comedians in their own right. So where do you draw the line between funny and offensive?

Well, I guess that depends on your sense of humor. I know plenty of people who can laugh at jokes about their religion, such as those told by Cosby or Carlin. Fundamentalists, on the other hand, have NO sense of humor when it comes to their religion, which can often facilitate religious extremism. And this is where religion can get the better of people, when someone uses the belief in their god to bring harm against those who don’t believe in that same god. From killing people for drawing a cartoon of Mohammad, to bombing abortion clinics or the World Trade towers, these extremists will do anything in the name of God.

And this is where religion becomes a touchy subject, one of the few left among 24-hour news media, talk show hosts, reality TV, pornography, violent video games, disease, war, poverty, and politics. (I was going to say dirty politics, but really, do I need to make the distinction?). Enough time has even passed where people can make jokes about terrorists and 9/11. But religion, something that has been around since man has had questions he couldn’t answer, is still taboo? Why?

I realize the first amendment allows for freedom of religion, meaning everyone in our country has the right to practice, or not practice, whatever religion they wish. And I believe the religious tolerance in this country is fairly strong in comparison to other countries, in that we can have an open dialogue about different faiths and not be persecuted for it. With so many different cultures living in one country, I agree this freedom is a necessary part of our democracy.

I also realize that a person’s religious beliefs are often an integral part of their lives. Their religion plays a major role in why they act as they do, what they pass down to their children, and what they believe will happen to them when they die. These are issues that every human being deals with; everyone has to form their own beliefs concerning morality and mortality, and these decisions should not be made lightly.

So what are my religious beliefs? Very little, actually. I don’t believe religion is necessary to teach good morality. Sure, I was brought up Catholic, but I stopped going to church when I reached college. I just couldn’t believe in a religion that doesn’t support gay rights, but still preaches that we are “all God’s children”. And after a while, the answer that “God works in mysterious ways” just didn’t satisfy my questions any more.

But did my morality, my sense of right and wrong, change when I stopped believing in Catholicism? Not to my knowledge. My only belief is that we should do right by our fellow man because it’s the right thing to do. You don’t harm me, I don’t harm you, and we try to maintain a sense of order in the world. I don’t need to have someone in the sky watching over me to ensure I live my life “correctly”, nor do I need the promise of paradise after I die. While it’s a beautiful thought that I will someday see my family again after death, I don’t believe it’s a realistic one.

“Well, Donna, that’s what it means to have faith,” people have told me, and that’s certainly true. Faith is belief without proof. The thing I don’t understand is why this is seen as a virtue. I can’t imagine where we would be today as a society if we took everything on faith. The scientific community has to go through a rigorous process to verify its beliefs with reproducible results, and even then they aren’t always accepted. The fact that some schools still want to teach creationism along with the theory of evolution in science classes, rather than theology or philosophy, makes me cringe.

And that’s another reason I’m stumped as to why religion should be exempt from scrutiny. Religious organizations are involved in every aspect of our culture, from politics to health care to education, yet we’re not supposed to question their validity? As I stated before, this country is built upon freedom of religion, but that is also lumped in with our freedom of speech. And it is that freedom that allows us to question the world around us, including why people would believe in something that is often times backed only by a book written by men that has changed over the years, depending on who was in charge of it at the time. For my feeling is that any strong idea, religious or not, should be able to hold up against scrutiny and ridicule.

The perfect example of this is Harold Camping, who predicted the apocalypse would happen on May 21, 2011. Thankfully I don’t know anyone personally who believed him, but he did have followers who sold all of their worldly possessions in preparation for Judgment Day. And when it didn’t happen, Camping was left to claim that there are two parts to the process, and that the final judgment will actually happen in October. How comforting to those left poor and homeless.

But during the time between his announcement and the actual date, people had a field day with jokes about the apocalypse. And when the date passed without incident, the jokes only grew in number. Many people thought it was ridiculous that anyone would believe such a statement, especially when he was wrong about the same thing back in 1994. And he was highly ridiculed for spending as much money as he did on his advertisements.

The thing is, though, I’m not sure why his beliefs are considered more ridiculous than anyone else’s…

And this is really what the core of the musical comes down to. Stone and Parker have said in numerous interviews that they think all religions have their “goofy” stories, and that no religion is any stranger than another. The only reason they chose to do a musical about Mormons specifically is because they knew Mormons growing up in Colorado. They learned quite a bit about the religion and its history, and created an upbeat musical around the idea that Mormons are an extremely happy and optimistic people.

Honestly, there are worse stereotypes to have. And I realize they take the stereotype to the extreme to include being naïve about the real world. But in doing this, in making fun of these stereotypes, they are then seen as silly or ridiculous. Only when they are taken seriously are they given any validity.

Besides, in this case, the musical is more about how a book concerning “ancient Jews that sailed to America” has little to do with the problems of people in Uganda.

Now, I know the Mormons are spearheading plenty of charity efforts in Africa, along with other groups, religious or not, and on other continents. And no one is disputing that there are missionaries all over the world trying to save people from disease, famine, poverty, (hell). Indeed, this is a very admirable aspect of many religions, especially when it has nothing to do with trying to convert these people. But the thing is, conversion is often considered an essential part of that “saving”, and that is what Stone and Parker really satirize in the musical.

And that’s just it. This musical is not a documentary, nor does it claim to be. It is a satire, which means sarcasm is used throughout the story to bring to light some of the more outrageous parts of the religion. In the song “I Believe”, it says God lives on a planet called Kolob, the Garden of Eden is in Jackson County, Missouri, and that in 1978 “God changed his mind about black people”. And after doing some research on the Latter Day Saints web site on every one of these topics, including the last one which refers to the decision to allow black people to be ordained, I discovered that they are all true.

Aye, there’s the rub. If the musical was all about stereotypes and made up fiction regarding the religion, then I could see Mormons getting upset if it was presented as fact. But that’s the thing- Stone and Parker did their homework and included all factual information about the history of the Mormon faith. And that’s what’s getting the real laughs.

But again, it’s not like Mormons are the first nor only religion that people find comical. All religions have been ridiculed in one form or another, it’s just that Mormonism is a newer religion in comparison to others. Scientology is really the only other new religion being railed on for the same reason. In all honesty, I’m not surprised that Mormons finally have been thrown into the limelight because, really, I don’t think you can consider yourself a serious religion until your validity has come into question. That’s just part of how human society evolves.

Now I realize that many people feel like Stone and Parker have an unevolved sense of humor with their foul language and fart jokes. However, many of their South Park episodes do have a point, as satire often does, and this musical is no different. So what IS the point of the Book of Mormon? I think the main character, a Mormon elder, said it best.

“Even if we change some things, or we break the rules, or we have complete doubt that God exists, we can still work together to make this our paradise planet.”

For stories about morality don’t have to come from a specific religion. We don’t have to believe one religion over another to learn how to lead “good” lives. Family, teachers, friends, they often pass down lessons in one form or another on how to be a “good” person. And people can relate to these lessons without needing a specific religious history or backdrop to go along with them. It’s all about learning how to live in the world now, not the world as it was thousands of years ago. For while the basics of morality haven’t changed, the events that bring it into question have.

And Stone and Parker really hit the nail on the head on that one. They have explored many of the major religions in existence using South Park episodes, and all of them discuss the usefulness of these religions in today’s society. And even though they make fun of Mormons in their world, they also call Mormonism the “correct religion” to believe in to get into heaven. I would say that’s pretty high praise from those guys. J

So while I can understand my friend’s anger towards people, including me, laughing at her religion, I hope she does not see me as being close-minded or intolerant for doing so. I have been willing to listen to both sides, and it’s because I’ve learned about different faiths and their beliefs that I can find humor in some of the ideas that I feel just don’t gel in today’s society. For even though many people get a lot out of their religion, such as a sense of community, a call for volunteerism, and upstanding moral values, I feel I have all of those virtues without it.

Unfortunately, most believers still think I’m going to burn in hell regardless of all of these virtues. And that I find to be both funny AND offensive.

Well, it finally happened. This past week I uploaded my first novel, Letting Go and Holding On, onto three different web sites. It's officially been published as an eBook with Amazon (Kindle), Barnes & Noble (Nook) and Smashwords.com. The link for the last site is listed here, along with a sample of the book:

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/dmroberts

http://smashwords.com/b/43991

The next step is to create a web site, and then I will try to market the book through searches on the Internet. All the while, I will continue to send out query letters to agents, in the hopes I can get even more help for marketing! It's been quite the process, but I'm not done yet. Wish me luck!

Another Year

Another year passes, another year's come
And here we are still in the same old humdrum.
Same small apartment, same dull career
Same shows to watch and same music to hear.
All of our family and all of our friends
Are still a whole trip for to gather again.
And aging is part of the process of living
When once it was something unseen and forgiving.
More weight has settled, more wrinkles too,
Groans of a body that's no longer new.
And time keeps on ticking and having its way
Until such a time when we'll not have a say.

But all of this time that we spend sitting here
We're smiling and laughing with plenty of cheer,
For though we continue this same book to read
We still have each other, no more do we need.